01/11/01

I should explain that late in ‘98 I asked Porch Rot if I could help track down Phil when he went missing again, but he at first declined. He said he was certain Phil would find his way home again in time once his adventure played itself out, just like all the times before. Months went by, though, and Winter set in, and Phil remained at large. By that point, I was a lot more insistent, and asked Hiram if I could take a look in Phil’s room and poke around in his shit to see if there were any clues to be found regarding where he may have wandered off to.

After seeing the inside of Porch Rot’s house, I can understand why he didn’t want my half Irish and half Huguenot ass poking around in there. The place is a fucking pig sty--- clutter the whole fucking house through! Phil’s room hasn’t seen the hand of a woman, I suppose, since ‘82, when his mother was killed. It was a damn scene to behold, I tell you— strewn with books of every kind imaginable befitting a paranoid, addled mind. The walls of the room were covered in strange obsessive writing and riddled with bullet holes. Porch Rot explained that Phil had little tolerance for rats in the walls and would often shoot wherever the slightest scurrying sound could be heard within them. It’s called D-Con people! I asked Porch Rot if he was ever worried Phil might shoot him accidentally this way, but he said Phil used 22 shorts for the purpose and by the time the bullets passed through the two sides of lath and plaster in the old walls, the bullets barely packed a sting.

I took inventory of all the books, journals and reading materials I found laying around in Phil’s bedroom, thinking they might provide some clue to his most recent obsessions, and therefore provide clues regarding this latest disappearance. From what I could gather from his shit, it appeared his latest interests were all somehow connected to the new millennium, space aliens, religion, and the end of the world. It was apparent he was obsessed with anything to do with guns, Joseph Smith— whom he claimed direct ancestry somehow— and anything to do with UFO visitations, which he wrote explained the Angel Moroni’s appearance to the Mormon prophet as well as a host of other biblical shit, including the burning bush, the immaculate conception of Mary—A.I. by aliens wouldn’t you know— and the star of Bethlehem, a hovering mother ship.

Heaven’s Gate cult eat your heart out.

Good fucking gracious.