04/14/01

Phebe proposed this morning that Percy and I go to Newburgh to spend time with Fauntleroy, try to lift his spirits. So we headed out, picked Fauntleroy up, but next thing I know Percy’s picking up Swami Hard Salami too. I’m thinking, how did this asshole get invited along? Soon becomes apparent that Percy and Swami have been talking over for some time going out on a date together to see Along Came a Spider. I’m not happy at all, but I don’t want to say anything about being afraid to watch that shit. I hate that twisted psychological shit. Fucks my dreams up.

No, no, I want to see ‘Joe Dirt’ instead, I offer.

Percy and Swami just start howling with laughter. I almost thought Percy might run the car off the road he was cracking up so bad.

What’s so funny? I ask a bunch of times.

It would not be advisable to explain, Swami says, therefore it is not advisable to persist with that question.

Fucking asshole.

Dr. Hardik and I were talking the other day about going to see ‘Along Came a Spider’, Percy manages to explain as Swami continues to struggle to regain his composure, and Dr. Hardik asked if you would be going with us. I joked, “No, I’m sure Joe would rather see ‘Joe Dirt’ instead.”

And then all of a sudden Fauntleroy speaks up for me, killing their crap: If Joseph would like to see ‘Joe Dirt’, then that is the movie I think we should all see together. I would like to see ‘Joe Dirt’ today.

You want to see Joe Dirt? I say, I’m sitting right here, Fauntleroy. Fauntleroy and I get our turn at a chuckle. Percy and Swami were stewing quietly in disappointment all of a sudden. All I know I loved the look on their fucking faces when we walked past the door to the theater showing Along Came a Spider. Percy put out one of those Al Gore sighs of his. Swami shook his head from side to side bitterly, seemed to spend most of the movie making trips to the bathroom.

Yeah, I have to say, after all that, probably woulda been better off seeing Along Came a Spider.