4/10/01

Went to work for Swami today on his archeology site on Montgomery Street. I feel so much better terming it an archeology site for some reason rather than an ancient shit-filled outhouse shaft. On the way through town I thought I saw the Mafia guy following me again but then he just sort of vanished. Whether he’s real or made up in my mind he’s creepy as all hell. Swami made a comment at some point that I looked stressed out. I said placing myself in direct contact with the excrement of people who lived in a different century sometimes does that to me. I didn’t mention I was facing a violation of probation. Last thing in the world I would ever do is share my problems with that asshole. Wait, that’s right, he’s my psychiatrist. Anyway, I was digging slowly. I was being paid by the hour, after all. Swami was standing over me anxiously awaiting treasure to emerge. Curious fucker. First bottle I found was about two feet down. I broke the neck off with the shovel. Swami made me know that was most lamentable. Very very lamentable. I’m thinking use the word fuck for once asshole. I told Swami seems to date only to the early 1900’s.

This wasn’t George Washington’s shit hole, that’s for sure. Maybe Geraldine Ferraro’s father.

I tried to instruct Swami on the local Revolutionary War history. Of course he knew of George Washington’s headquarters in Newburgh, but he seemed ignorant on most everything else that happened around here during the war.

George turned down being King of America not far from here.

Oh.

I told him Montgomery Street was named for General Richard Montgomery, the first national hero of America, who died in the Battle of Quebec. He said he never knew.

When I travel around Newburgh, Swami says, I can’t help but think how this place provided the literary foundation for one of the most accomplished writers the world has ever known. I so admire that man!

I have to say I was stumped: You mean Edgar Allan Poe? That was down the river though. He wasn’t here. He was thrown out of West Point.

No, no, I’m referring to James Patterson!

And then Swami does this spider imitation with his fingers on my neck with this creepy laugh.

You know: Along Came a Spider! They just came out with the movie!

Now I know how Percy feels. Now I’m fucking Squidward.